Say it ain't so

I've always thought you could basically carve up the Republican Party into three core factions: Big Bidness (neocons and corporations), Small Gummint (paleocons and libertarians) and Big Jeebus (religion and social cons). Like the three superpowers in 1984, these three regularly exchange alliances and modest internecine scuffles which are held together by duct tape and, when the time comes to face the rest of the nation, a mutual love of Big 'Murica.

For example, the current administration is mostly Big Bidness, with a veneer of Big Jeebus for show. This has confused and alienated Small Gummint, and also given them a built-in excuse for its failures. But Big Bidness will never actually care about Small Gummint per se; only as much as Small Gummint serves its interests. Big Bidness also doesn't care about Big Jeebus beyond utilitarian ambition; as soon as Big Jeebus becomes an albatross (with offensive social views that threaten profit prospects) away it will go.

With that in mind, let's take another look at Mike Huckabee. Huckabee should, by all accounts, be the favored son of Big Jeebus in the Republican race. He hits all of their favorite social marks with a gusto hardly anyone has seen before, and does it with a geniality which naturally deflects media attention from his extreme social views. Huckabee cruised to victory at last weekend's Values Voters Summit, a kind of Big Jeebus party congress.

Yet there is something conspicuously absent from this.

Despite his booming popularity with the congregation, Huckabee hasn't yet caught an endorsement from any of the Big Jeebus bigwigs, and his fundraising hasn't followed his rising stock. How could this be, when they could hardly ask for anyone more ideal?

Well, Huckabee has a problem. Two problems, in fact. Big Bidness and Small Gummint. While governor of Arkansas Huckabee crossed the unspeakable threshold guaranteed to immediately unite both of them, he raised taxes and expanded government spending for social programs. Even though Huckabee supports replacing the IRS with a "fair tax" system--a favorite crusade for Small Gummint--they still don't trust him enough, especially when there are nearly a dozen other dogs ready to slobber for them.

But wait, won't Big Jeebus stand up for their man? Would Perkins, Colson, Mohler et.al. buck the flock and back another horse?

Yup.

Because they're not Big Jeebus at all.

What, you thought these guys were right-wingers because of "moral values?" Ho ho, weren't we all taken for suckers. The base is, oh yes. The proles filling the pews on Sunday believe Huckabee's trope that illegal immigration is a byproduct of abortion. Their political clergy may or may not; it isn't required. Their job is to reliably deliver Big Jeebus to Big Bidness (Small Gummint hasn't quite realized it's the junior partner in this relationship yet).

This time, Big Jeebus might have its own plans.

Luckily, Mike Huckabee is no William Jennings Bryan. William Jennings Bryan is the most dangerous man in American politics. Except he's been dead 80 years, and couldn't get on the ballot of either major party if he were alive. Bryan thought a conservative theology led to progressive economic policy. Imagine that! You say you want a class war? Bryan would give you one. He wasn't quite a Christian Socialist, though he was sometimes reasonably close.

Yes, there used to be such creatures. Francis Bellamy was a Christian Socialist. He wrote the original draft of the Pledge of Allegiance, and he didn't even put "under God" in it. The nerve!