Olympics week 1 review

I've not been invited, but I'm nonetheless going to play devil's advocate on the beatification of Michael Phelps. Specifically, the notion taken as gospel by the American media that Phelps is the Greatest Athlete Ever solely on the basis of medal count. Because of a number of circumstances, particularly the amount of redundant events, it's simply far easier for swimmers to rack up a larger medal haul than athletes in other sports. It's no coincidence that the record for gold medals in a single Olympics was also a swimmer, and would take another swimmer to approach Phelps' new mark in the future.

Phelps won five individual events, sweeping both individual medleys, both butterfly events, and the 200-meter freestyle. As it happens, sweeping both distances of a discipline is fairly common. Kosuke Kitajima swept the men's breaststroke, Stephanie Rice swept the women's IM, Rebecca Adlington swept the 400 and 800-meter freestyle, and Brita Steffen did the same with the 50 and 100-meter free. The disciplines which weren't swept often saw just minor re-arranging of the podium. Should I be so cynical to suggest that obviously extraneous distances are kept on for the sole purpose of giving someone a shot at a gaudy medal total and giving the sport more publicity?

Then there are Phelps' three medals as part of an American relay team, which further restricts the possibility of anyone challenging his record to another American or, on a good year, an Australian. Sorry, Kirsty Coventry of Zimbabwe (four individual medals) and Laszlo Cseh of Hungary (three), but you can't piggyback on a world-class relay team, so you're out of luck.

Give credit where it's due; Phelps' record in the pool likely won't be challenged for some time, and that he needed two great strokes of luck along the way is a testament to how difficult it will be to match. But comparing it across the athletic spectrum is meaningless. Perhaps the only comparable redundancy is the 100-200 combination in track and field, where we might find an athlete even more jaw-dropping than Phelps. But we'll get to him in a moment...

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The swimming events are over, and the results are blessedly official. NBC's swimming commentators Dan Hicks and Rowdy Gaines have defended their title from Athens by winning the gold medal for Biggest Jingo Shills in the NBC family. Many people besides myself have complained about the singular focus on covering American athletes, but it's more than just face time that puts me on edge. American athletes, in their eyes, seem to have no character flaws whatsoever--only being too perfect!--while foreigners fall prey to all kinds of vices. One Australian swimmer, we were told by Hicks, was all over the tabloids back home, not-so-subtly suggesting she may be a woman of loose morals.

My favorite, though, is the managing of expectations, and the pretension that foreign media exalt their athletes to godlike status, while ignoring NBC's own role in doing the same. Time after time, we're told that So-and-So Athlete is a "huge star" and a "national hero" in their homeland, and the entire country will be let down if they don't win gold. Not that Americans would ever disown an athlete for not living up to expectations. Just ask Bode Miller.

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The American media is agog with outrage over the Chinese women's gymnastics team illegally using girls under the age of 16 on their gold-medal winning squad. They're likely right, but as Jennifer Sey and Dave Zirin explain, USA gymnastics can't claim much moral high ground since handing the whole enterprise over to the domineering Karolyis. Apparently ex-Communist torture techniques aren't just for the American secret prison complex.

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Memo to Switzerland: While we're sure the new, human model of Roger Federer, with emotion chip and everything, is more entertaining for the rest of the competition, we rather liked the old winning version better.

Also, congrats to Elena, who's always been one of my favorite players. Too bad I missed the match, but it's great to see her finally on top of a big tournament.
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Usain Bolt: Best sprinting name in history, maybe the best sprinter in history. Bolt broke the world record in the 100-meter final Saturday night, and may have wholly shattered it had he not slowed up in the final 20 meters. And he has yet to run the 200, which is--gulp--his better race.

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Like King, I'm also wondering what the hell is going on with the ceaseless beach volleyball coverage. Is it the toned, athletic women in bikinis? The near-certain American victory (though the men's team of Dalhauser and Rogers suffered a major upset in the preliminary round, and nearly another one in the first knockout stage)? Probably a little of both. Regardless, the sport is not at all compelling for all the reasons King cites, yet NBC insists on wasting a valuable hour of primetime every night for it.