11 September 2009

A fairy tale mashup

You and I live in the same town. You're the biggest tycoon in the neighborhood, loved and feared by all. I live in a dinky shack on the wrong side of the tracks. But one day I happen upon a goose that lays golden eggs. I've struck it rich, but as it turns out the elves who make your widgets can only subsist on golden eggs. So instead of negotiating a fair price for my eggs, you decide to start stealing them. I can never catch you in the act, as it happens, because you have a magical cloak which makes you invisible.

Now everyone in the town knows it's you, because you make a big show of proudly giving me useless things I'll never need as supposed compensation for stealing my eggs, like a blender that turns rocks into boll weevils. And you've got the police and the judges in your back pocket, so there's no hope of going to the authorities. So one day after months and months of you stealing my golden eggs while I still live in poverty, I finally lose it. I take a machete, go to your house, and brutally hack up your spouse and children.

Of course, I've overreacted. Worse, my retaliation is worthless because I've punished innocent people who had nothing to do with you stealing my eggs.

On the other hand, you still stole my eggs.