29 June 2008

All in Goode fun

It's a little bit unfair picking on Greg Goode, the feeble theo-fascist whack-job challenging for the 8th District congressional seat. His fund-raising is lagging well behind right-wing Democratic incumbent Brad Ellsworth, and Ellsworth should have little trouble brushing him aside in the fall. But before that happens, I intend to have as much fun with this fellow as time allows. One of the little pleasures of living here is that, if tweaking wingnuts is your game, you'll never run out of opportunities. We know how to breed 'em, and would-be Congressman Goode is an extra platter of special. And frankly, I'm not going to let the dear old Donkey have all the fun.

But enough introduction, let's allow the man to speak for himself (or at least, his website) by sampling his opinion on national defense.
Washington continues to wander aimlessly in defense policies that are outdated, under-funded, and not relevant to the national security interests of the USA in the 21st Century.
Goode is apparently part of the wingnut species that views all "government spending" as a rapacious bogeyman, unless it's spending on the military, which somehow doesn't count. But, dear heavens, if he's somehow taken the message from the Bush Imperium that the military is still "under-funded," what could he possibly imagine a fully-funded military looking like? Specifically, what color shirts will we be wearing?
Our country is no longer engaged in the challenges of the Cold War.
Indeed, we are no longer staring over the barrel of a nuclear arsenal at another superpower with the combined firepower to destroy the planet. Glad that's over. So the obvious solution is to increase military spending even further.
Instead, we struggle for survival against: (1) illegal aliens who are literally walking into our country unchecked,
Soviet nukes; no match for the Brown Horde! And they're literally walking; run in terror!
(2) radical Islamic terrorists who have demonstrated the ability and willingness to take American lives on American soil,
And we haven't yet killed all the Muslim women and children in return, so it's like my momma says, "never leave a job half done!"
(3) world order movements that will strike at the very sovereignty of our great country.
"And, ladies and gentleman, in this exhibit we have a real, live Bircher in a simulation of his natural habitat." Honestly, this deserves more, but it's far, far beyond my ability to snark.

That's all for today. Tune in next week when we explore Goode's opinions on "liberal efforts of courtship." Is it anything like "optical intercourse," unfortunately another area where I'm poorly endowed?